Being With, Not Doing To: The Heart of Trauma-Informed Practice
For those of us in the healing, wellness, and helping professions, the question isn’t if we’re working with trauma, it’s how we’re showing up when we do. If we’re not considering that in how we relate to our clients, we can unintentionally do harm.
Developing a trauma informed practice isn’t about perfectionism or fixing. It’s about presence, choice, and deep care. Being trauma-informed is no longer optional. It’s the baseline. And not because it’s trendy or theoretical - because it’s deeply human.
What Trauma-Informed Care Really Means
Being trauma-informed means recognizing that trauma is likely in the room, whether or not someone says so. It means understanding that people are doing the best they can in every moment with the nervous systems they have. It means not needing to dig up trauma, or take on a therapeutic role we haven’t trained for. Instead, it’s about holding space in a way that doesn’t retraumatize. We welcome autonomy. We support regulation.
There are four pillars that guide this orientation:
Realize the widespread impact of trauma and understand paths for recovery.
Recognize the signs and symptoms of trauma in clients, families, staff, and others.
Respond by integrating trauma awareness into policies and practices.
Resist retraumatization.
What does this look like, practically?
Being trauma-informed doesn’t mean we have to do more training to work deeply with trauma or start offering therapy.
Perhaps most importantly, it means we’re slowing down. We’re offering choice. It might sound like: We could do this or this. What seems most supportive right now? Everything here is optional… your yes and no are welcome.
It might look like:
Clear, consistent agreements
Letting people orient to the space before addressing anything vulnerable
Taking a breath before responding, especially when something activates us
One of the most supportive things we can offer is our own regulation (I actually prefer to call it something like nervous system connection or support instead of regulation) - and this isn’t something we perform. It’s about rooting in our bodies. Dropping into the support beneath us. Tapping in to the spaciousness within us when our nervous systems are settled. Giving others permission to do the same by how we show up.
This can create states of co-regulation (or connection) - being a steady, welcoming presence in our own system, so our clients can feel that steadiness.
You Don't Need to Be Perfect
The fact that presence is the key to a trauma informed practice is good news - it means we don’t need to be perfect.
Perfectionism can be a trauma response. Sometimes, we’re going to miss the mark - and that’s okay. What matters is that when we do get it wrong, we stay. That we repair. That we trust ourselves to say, I got that wrong. Thank you for telling me. I want to make it right.
This kind of honesty builds trust, and it makes space for the other person’s truth, not just ours. It models accountability and care. It says: I don’t need to be perfect to stay connected to you.
All we need to do is be willing to be with what arises - in our clients, in ourselves, and in the relationship between us.
Orientation Over Technique
Because we’re leaning into presence, there is no script to learn and no right words to say. We check in with our own support first. Are our nervous systems feeling settled? Are we breathing? Do we feel supported in our chair?
Even in busy, high-demand work, we can ask ourselves: Where is my breath? Where is my support right now? Is there any ease I can allow in anywhere right now?
When we get the hang of this, we’re not doing anything ‘to’ our client. We’re ‘being with’. And it’s this orientation that changes everything. It lets us step out of urgency and into attunement, and it frees us from having to be an expert. We lose presence and connection when we have an agenda.
Safer Space Is a Practice
We’re not trying to make ‘a space safe’ for everyone. We’re intending towards a “safe enough” or “safer” space. And we’re doing that through offering more choice. More voice. More connection.
That includes things like:
Naming expectations clearly
Offering real choices
Naming power and being transparent about roles
Welcoming feedback and adjusting accordingly
Safer space isn’t a one-time setup. It’s a daily practice that’s not just about what we say, it’s about how we are. We return to it again and again.
We have to give ourselves permission to build trust slowly over time and never assume it should be automatically there.
The Revolution Is Subtle
The work of becoming trauma informed and creating safer spaces for our clients, students, loved ones and all humans is subtle and deep. It’s not flashy. It’s not loud. But it is transformative. When we root in presence instead of performance, when we offer real care instead of urgency or control, we create the conditions for healing.
It also gives us back so much energy and aliveness in our own bodies instead of being weighed down by pressures to perform or “do” or create transformations for clients. Instead, we walk with them, allowing them to unfold in their own timing, whatever that looks like.
What would the world feel like if everyone was met in a trauma-informed way? What might become possible?
Start with your next client. Your next conversation. Take a breath. Let yourself arrive.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be here.
Want to deepen your practice? Explore Creating Safer Space, my self-paced course for coaches, healers, teachers, and facilitators who want to embody trauma-informed care in everything they do. Click here to learn more and enrol.
Or, if you’d like real time practice and support where you can explore this more deeply in community, Body of Work is my 9 month live group program where we practice these principles together, gently, honestly, and in good company. It’s open for enrollment now. Click here to learn more and join me.
